Another Successful Trip Around the Sun

The day is finally here.  

I am officially 23 years old. 

Birthdays are kind of a weird concept.  I have a million people on facebook wishing me a Happy Birthday, basically congratulating me for making it through another year.  I suppose it is the thought of hoping I have a good day that is kind, but the impersonal touch that comes with facebook kind of ruins any of the intention behind the action.

The snow is falling like crazy here, and like usual I am spending the day curled up on the couch with my dog in pain.  I don’t know why I expected something different, I spent the days leading up to today trying to convince myself that it wasn’t going to be a big deal so I wouldn’t be let down, and yet I still have this overwhelming sense of dread and of being let down hanging over me.  It isn’t any one thing really.  Maybe the lack of company, lack of friends visiting or calling, it could be that my dad isn’t calling because he is on a warm vacation, or that fact that my boyfriend got called into work on his day off when he is getting deployed for 2 months on Sunday.  Birthdays are like New Years Eve, they never really live up to the hype. And when the expected actions involve lots of drinking and partying, it can be tough for someone with chronic fatigue to keep up.

I guess I am just bummed out.  As much as I said I was dreading today I was kind of hoping the universe would pull something off and surprise me.  So far the only surprise is how heavy and slushy the snow outside is.  Which to be honest isn’t that much of a surprise given the fact I first came into this world during a blizzard.  I’ve reached the end of milestone birthdays.  The next big one isn’t until 30, which is a  whole 7 years away.  I am ok with that.  I am ok with having a quiet birthday.  It actually is nice to be in my comfy clothes (sorority letters of course).  Covered in my favorite blanket and doing what I want on my computer.  I do wish that some things could be different, but one of the best things about birthdays is if I screw this one up, I will hopefully have at least a few more to make it better.

I do have one really great thing about today.  I have a fabulous boyfriend.  And he is so stressed with work I just want him to know that spending time together is really the only gift I desire.  He has been through everything it seems like with me.  From doctors visits, drastic hair loss, weight gain, mood swings, the works, and yet he still gives me that little boyish grin and tells me how much he loves me.  I really don’t need anything else in this world.  I have a dog that is hilarious, a family that drives me crazy but loves me, and as corny as it sounds, the man of my dreams.  I would say that that makes me a pretty lucky girl and makes today and pretty happy birthday.

Yours in Pain (possibly from the amount of sushi, nutella and cake I will be consuming later),

Ginny